How to Support Yourself Through Grief When You're Childless Not by Choice

1. Acknowledge That This Is Grief

This is not an overreaction. You are not being “dramatic” or “selfish". What you're feeling is grief—a very real and valid emotional response to a profound loss.

Grieving something that never came to be can be uniquely painful. There’s no concrete memory to return to, only the imagined future you had hoped for. And losing that imagined future is a heartbreak all its own.

Your grief is real. Let yourself feel it.

2. Control the Controllables

When everything feels out of control, focus on the basics: sleep, hydration, and nutrition. These three areas have a powerful impact on your mood, your energy, and your ability to cope with difficult emotions.

• Sleep: Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. Avoid caffeine after 3 p.m. and minimize alcohol—it may help you fall asleep but often disrupts restful sleep.

• Hydration: Keep a water bottle nearby and sip throughout the day.

• Nutrition: If meal planning feels overwhelming, consider a meal service or simple, no-prep meals. Spending money on something that supports your well-being is not wasteful—especially if the alternative is skipped meals or constant takeout.

Taking care of your body is a concrete way to help yourself.

3. Move Your Body (Even Just a Little)

Exercise doesn't have to be intense. A short walk, gentle stretching, or dancing to a favorite song in your living room can do wonders for your mental health.

If you’re not feeling up to it, tell yourself you'll just try 10 minutes. If after 10 minutes you still want to stop, that’s okay. You showed up for yourself—and that’s a win.

Movement helps release tension and anxiety.

4. Maintain a Simple Routine

Grief can make the most basic tasks feel monumental. Creating a simple routine helps you stay grounded.

• Wake up at the same time each day.

• Schedule your meals, showers, and household tasks.

• Choose one small thing each day that brings you comfort or once brought you joy—listening to music, reading, drawing, coloring, writing, knitting, crocheting, watching a show. Anything.

You don’t need to fill every hour or be constantly productive. But keeping the basics in your day can prevent you from feeling untethered. A routine is not a cure, but it is helpful.

5. Consider Therapy

Grief is complex. And being childless not by choice carries layers of loss that are often misunderstood by others. A therapist—especially one trained in grief, infertility, or life transitions—can offer a safe space to explore your feelings without judgment.

You don’t have to carry this alone.

Final Thoughts

Grief has no timeline. And it’s okay if it comes in waves—some days crashing harder than others. Be kind with yourself. You're grieving.

You are worthy of compassion, care, and support—especially from yourself.