Getting Invited to a Baby Shower: A Guide for the Childless Not by Choice

So you've been invited to a baby shower....when you are childless not by choice it can be a complicated decision whether to accept or decline the invitation. Whether it's for a close friend, a family member, or even a coworker, that invite can stir up a complicated mix of emotions when you're childless not by choice. Maybe you're happy for the parent-to-be, but also heartbroken. Maybe you feel conflicted, numb, or even triggered. Maybe you have no idea what to do.

This is one of those moments where grief, joy, love, and pain can all show up in the same room. Literally.

So, what now?

This post is here to help you navigate this situation with honesty, compassion, and care—whatever you decide.

First: Ask Yourself Honestly, Do I Want to Go?

There’s no “right” answer. It is absolutely ok to consider your own emotional well-being first.

• Would attending feel manageable?

• Do you want to go to show support but know it might be painful?

• Do you know, deep down, that it’s not a good idea for your mental health?

All of those questions and their answers are valid. Take a pause, breathe, and remind yourself: It’s okay to make a decision based on your needs.

If You Decide to Attend: Thoughtful Ways to Prepare

If you want to go—or feel that you want to try—these strategies can help you manage the emotions that may arise.

1. Plan Your Coping Strategies

Go in with a few tools in your back pocket, such as:

• Box breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4)

• Take a break—you can excuse yourself to the restroom or step outside

• Encouraging words—save a quote, mantra, or supportive message in the Notes app on your phone

• Wear a grounding object like a bracelet or ring to touch when emotions rise

2. Identify a Support Person

Have someone you can text or call before or during the shower. It could be a friend, partner, or fellow attendee—someone who knows how hard this is for you and can help you feel grounded.

3. Give Yourself an Exit Strategy

You are allowed to leave early. One tip: tell the host in advance that you can only stay 45 minutes or an hour. That way, you have a built-in out if needed. And if you’re doing okay and want to stay longer, you can simply say your plans changed.

4. Thinking About Gifts? Skip to the End

I’ve included gift ideas at the end of this post—for both those attending and those not attending—so you can choose something meaningful and manageable.

If You Decide Not to Attend: That’s Okay, Too

Skipping the shower might be the best decision for your healing—and that doesn’t make you selfish or cold. It makes you human.. You wouldn’t go on a hike with a sprained ankle. And attending a baby shower while grieving childlessness is an emotional version of that same idea.

Protecting your emotional health is not a betrayal of your relationship. It's an act of self-respect.

Declining the Invitation: How to Say No with Grace

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You’re allowed to simply say you can’t make it. But if you’re wondering how to word your response, here are a few examples—from general to more honest:

Polite and Simple:

• “Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m happy for you and I won’t be able to attend, but I hope it’s a beautiful celebration.”

• “Thanks for the invitation! I won’t be able to make it, but I’d love to catch up and celebrate with you 1:1 sometime soon.”

More Honest (If You’re Comfortable):

• “Baby showers are really hard for me, and I’ve decided to skip this one. I appreciate you inviting me and I value our friendship deeply.”

• “Thank you for including me. While I’m truly happy for you, I’m currently navigating a season of grief related to my own childlessness. I’m not ready to attend baby showers, I'm sure you can appreciate this is about protecting my own heart—not a reflection of how much I care about you.”

Gift Ideas (For Those Attending or Not Attending)

If you’d like to give a gift but don’t want to be emotionally triggered by shopping, here are a few gentle options:

• Gift cards: Easy to send and avoids baby-related browsing that can trigger the algorithm or your emotions.

• Direct purchase: If you know what you want to give, buy it directly—skip the registry or baby aisles.

• Gifts for the parent: You might choose something thoughtful for them instead of the baby—like a cozy robe, a coffee shop gift card, or a self-care item.

Remember: gifting is optional. It’s okay to only do what feels emotionally sustainable.

Final Thoughts

You are not a bad person for struggling with this. You are not selfish for putting your emotional health first. Whether you choose to attend or not, you’re doing the best you can with a deeply tender situation.

Grief and joy often live side by side, and navigating both at once is incredibly brave. Be kind to yourself—before, during, and after.

You are not alone.