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Childless Not By Choice: Are These Feelings Normal?


Bitterness Sadness Indifferent

Angry Depressed Abandoned

Envy Unmotivated Resentment

These feelings get a bad rap or sometimes get categorized as “BAD” feelings. The feelings we should avoid. They are feelings that we are often told are unhealthy or make us feel like a bad person if we experience them. Feelings that get thrown at us as accusation by those that don’t understand what we are going through. Being told you are “bitter” for example is often used as an insult. These feelings are not “bad”. They are not to be avoided and it doesn’t make you a bad person, unkind, selfish, ungrateful for feeling these feelings.

Lets face it, how could you NOT feel these feelings when you are grappling with the realization you will be childless not by choice? In fact it would be unhealthy to try to avoid these feelings. To pretend they aren’t there; to stuff them down and ignore them can feed the beast of these feelings instead of working through them. Sometimes we do this because we are overwhelmed by these feelings, which is natural, and sometimes we do this because our brain tells us it is too much to manage so it compartmentalizes our feelings to prevent us from being flooded by these feelings. We often go through stages where we swing in and out of these feelings. That is ok too. If you feel angry one week and then go months without feeling angry it is ok to feel anger again. If someone says “I thought you were over this?” Remind yourself, that comment comes from a place of having absolutely NO IDEA what they are talking about. NONE. When you are ready, it is so important to process these feelings. When you feel it, acknowledge it, call it out, give yourself grace, take a breath, and cope. Maybe you journal your feelings, maybe you verbally process how you are feeling, maybe you engage in creative pursuits like art.

It is just as important to not get stuck in the feelings. Getting stuck in these feelings can be all consuming and you can loose your bearings. You can lose sight of your goals, interests, and it also feels like total crap. If you notice yourself getting stuck in these feelings, ruminating or not being able to manage or redirect the thoughts associated with these feelings consider a therapist to help you process through these feelings. I say this as a therapist and as someone who saw/sees a therapist to help me process those very feelings. You CAN get through this. You WILL get through this. If you live in Colorado and are looking for a therapist or if you are outside of Colorado and not experiencing symptoms related to a mental illness you can reach out to me.

If you mention this blog I am giving 30% of my session rate. If you would like help identifying resources or a therapist or coach in a different state or would like additional options reach out as well. I’m happy to assist in anyway I can. Let me know what feelings you experience that I missed in the comment below.

You can also check out my YouTube channel where I have more free tips and encouraging videos.

If you need a starting point to find resources check out the link below. go to Resources tab.

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